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Feeling dirty

I feel pretty bad today. Yesterday I did something for money I usually do for free. It was easy, it was quick and I had no problems with it. At least yesterday. Today at work I felt that dirty that I had to go home. I had quite some times where I got money (see 1, 2 and definately 3) but never explicitely on demand. Last year I thought I would have to try it but I was wrong then. And in addition to these thoughts there was Josephine Link my SecondLife avatar who earns her virtual money with her virtual body whenever she is broke again. Perhaps this game also reduced my reluctance to such a behavior.

You may ask: What is your problem? You did so many? It is not about the stupid act. It is about me having done it. The guy was fun. That is the problem. That it was fun and the fact that if I would not be a high-paid IT professional I properly would have earned my money that way during the study. It is just the moral which keep me away from it.

And if I am honest ... to certain guys I behave different to my former patterns. The millionaire I met a few weeks ago ... well ... at the start I ached for him. But then I learned when I keep her back he is pretty fast with getting me something in the most expensive shops.

Currently ... I am not happy with myself.


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