Monday, January 30, 2006

I am sick

Goddamn. A broken heart. A second 80 hours week and now I am sick. The goddamn flu.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

It's so cold

It's so cold.
I avoided my birthday successfully. Cerapho waited for me for hours and gave me a good night kiss.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Bad times

It still hurts. In more than one way. My heart is broken. It was never more broken than today. Life is not very important without her. Life sucks. The last time I had these feelings was when Frank left me, and that is years in the past. I hardly remember. But there was a big difference: With Frank I lost a status. I had been a girlfriend, I had had sex. Today, this is neither a question nor a real demand. What hurts today is love. Real love.

Another thing what hurts is crazy: Currently I am a workaholic. I stopped my studies for now and I have worked about 90 hours in the last week. About ten hours a day in the office and the rest of the time on the desk in my room. Cerapho once entered the room and even invaded my slip but I was dry like hell. Since my last post I have not fucked. That is good so far but according to Cerapho I lost some flair. No question to that as well. For Cerapho a fuck with me is a fuck with a gorgeous girl (his comment) but a gorgeous girl who do not care if she is gorgeous like I do currently (his comment) is not a nice view. I am hairy. For a girl with a sexual proudness regarding her body like me this should not be possible. Anyway I do not care about it. My pussy is my last problem. Sex is not important.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I think I will try stay till midnight in the office.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Positive and negative things

Positive: My HIV test seems to be negative. The girlfriend additionally told me, that she is negative as well. That is good because I very well understand that Cerapho and Aron prefer me without condom.

Negative: Sex is currently the easiest way to get rid of my depression. I had sex with five men within four days. For a few hours life seems to be good to me. But the next morning it is even worsier. But that's not all. Martin fucked me today and told me, that he will not allow Leandra to continue to be my fuck toy.

Monday, January 09, 2006


It is ten days in the past. I miss her. I miss her emotionally, my pussy misses her, and I miss her titts and pussy. She visited me on January 3rd in the morning and she gave me a goodbye fuck. It was so good. Her sweet clit on my tongue, suck her out of her hood, and make her crazy that way. What a fun. Relationship is a girl thing for me. My best partners have been Nadja and Mariane. Frank was long but not deep. I miss her ... damn.

I think it will take a few months.

Sunday, January 01, 2006


Yesterday night was sylvester. I have drunken far too much. I do not remember how and where I celebrated New Year. I woke up in a flat share on a couch. My pussy told me that she was fucked, my face hurts, and head told me to do something against my headache. I went to the kitchen and which was sitting there was watching me carefully. The conversation was like that: "I am sorry bitch" I was confused. "Sorry for what?" "You do not remember?" "No" "You fucked my boyfriend, when I came home, I hit your face." I checked my face. "That is the reason why it hurts." She smiled. "Yes" "I fucked you boyfriend? I am sorry." "No panic, it is not the first time, neither for him nor for me. At least he used a condom." "I am not so sure about that", I answered her because of my dripping wet pussy. "Is your pussy wet?" "Yeah." "I have seen the condom. He is a sicko. In the beginning of our relationship we used condoms just because of AIDS because I am on the pill. But he usually cuts of the reservoir. So his cum enters your pussy, but he can be a little bit more secure than without condom." "He fucked me with a damaged condom?" I was pissed. I left the apartment soon after. I did not even saw him. This bastard.

I had a lot of sex with a lot of different men in a lot of different states. I often had sex with guys unwillingly. After the night they often came back and want to fuck. I say ten times no but the tenth time I usually say yes. I am not very strong around this topic, neither in my brain nor in my body. When you pick me and guide me with a strong hand you can do anything with me. If I want it or not. It was more than once that I easily could have declared it as rape. But honestly: I love rough sex and with the orgasm the offense is past. I know them and I understand them and for me it is so easy to satisfy them. But being fucked while you are in a state of semi-unconscious that is not fair. But I cannot remember my "No", and additionally I was hurt by Mariane and this french sucker which made her a belly. So I think it was not much which was necessary.